I am the daughter of two first-generation immigrants from Hong Kong to Britain, who are the children of four first-generation immigrants from China, who were the children of eight people whose families and ancestors had lived in their respective Chinese villages and towns since time immemorial. Writing that ought to feel very momentous, and in … More How the word ‘diaspora’ taught me a new way of belonging
cn: mental illness, suicidal thoughts, depression, recovery There is a lot of messaging around these days telling us that ‘it’s okay not to be okay.’ This is incredibly valuable and the more times more people hear it, the better. But where do I stand once I’m past that? When I’m over the hump of the … More It’s okay to be okay (recovering from mental illness is confusing)
cn: moving on, trauma, anger, self harm, suicidal thoughts It’s almost the end of the year, and I am sorting through the past, picking through what to keep and what to leave behind. I tend to carry a lot with me and it has been a daily inconvenience, with bitterness and sadness tugging me back … More Holding hands with my past selves: a lesson in moving on
I have packaged you up, as you were to me then, and wrapped you up in a parcel for me to take out when I please. It sounds obsessive, possessive – but it’s nothing to do with you at all, really. It isn’t really you whom I cling to and always have to hand; all … More Lessons from La La Land: Letting people let you go is hard
cn: the past, change Recently I have been thinking a lot about change and letting go and moving on, and how one goes about knowing exactly when and how to do it. I find it all so difficult – I think (hope) we all do, that when it feels like we’re clawing to catch up … More When the world moves on
cn: mental illness Mental illness is not a single breaking point, a sudden meltdown that pounces out of the blue. In reality, there are months or years of accumulated stresses and fractures, grinding you down from the inside out. The myth of the cataclysmic nervous breakdown is easier to understand, and provides for a more … More Moments of Madness, and Writing to Heal
Cn: suicide, depression, anxiety, hospital, therapy, suicide ideation A little while ago now, I didn’t die, and a lot of things have happened since then. I hope this piece can offer hope for those feeling bad, and an opportunity to empathise for those who don’t. I’m so scared that writing this could romanticise, so I … More What happens when you don’t die
cn: social anxiety I swear, emojis will be the death of me. As if I wasn’t already an unforgivably overzealous user of exclamation marks, those deceivingly innocuous little faces with their little mouths scream to all my online acquaintances that I do, indeed, possess zero levels of chill. I’m a shy person, but something about … More I kill group chats (and other social anxieties)
cn: depression, disassociation, the past, identity I have these photos on my bedroom wall from my first year of uni, and now, four years later, I often look up at my 18/19 year old self and wonder, who the fuck is she? She’s beaming, always, in the centre of a big group of friends, usually … More Sunshine and Rainbows (sometimes)
cn: mental illness, depression, guilt, hurting others, confusion, being drunk This is a note on my phone that I wrote on Fireworks’ night 2016. I had just met depression and was only just starting to learn how confusing, contradictory and insidious it is. I went on a lot of late night walks by myself in … More Fireworks
quiet person, loud thoughts 