It’s okay to be okay (recovering from mental illness is confusing)

cn: mental illness, suicidal thoughts, depression, recovery There is a lot of messaging around these days telling us that ‘it’s okay not to be okay.’ This is incredibly valuable and the more times more people hear it, the better. But where do I stand once I’m past that? When I’m over the hump of the … More It’s okay to be okay (recovering from mental illness is confusing)

Holding hands with my past selves: a lesson in moving on

cn: moving on, trauma, anger, self harm, suicidal thoughts It’s almost the end of the year, and I am sorting through the past, picking through what to keep and what to leave behind. I tend to carry a lot with me and it has been a daily inconvenience, with bitterness and sadness tugging me back … More Holding hands with my past selves: a lesson in moving on

Feeling like a teenage girl: On being shamed into emotional silence

cn: mental illness, emotions, shame You are a teenage girl, and you are experiencing all the dramas and heightened emotions that they told you would come. They tell you that you will grow out of them and that with time you will stop feeling so violently. But they lie. You do not learn to deal … More Feeling like a teenage girl: On being shamed into emotional silence

I kill group chats (and other social anxieties)

cn: social anxiety I swear, emojis will be the death of me. As if I wasn’t already an unforgivably overzealous user of exclamation marks, those deceivingly innocuous little faces with their little mouths scream to all my online acquaintances that I do, indeed, possess zero levels of chill. I’m a shy person, but something about … More I kill group chats (and other social anxieties)

Fireworks

cn: mental illness, depression, guilt, hurting others, confusion, being drunk This is a note on my phone that I wrote on Fireworks’ night 2016. I had just met depression and was only just starting to learn how confusing, contradictory and insidious it is. I went on a lot of late night walks by myself in … More Fireworks